Thanks Old Guy

 Halfway to hundred... as I was driving up this morning to stay another week with my Uncle Chip. It's my turn to be his live-in caregiver. I've been on for 2 weeks a month for 3 or 4 months now. It's a lot, to say the least. Which is an oxymoron. 

To think, before I retired last June, I used to rack my brain thinking up examples of oxymorons for my students, to help them understand the conflicting meanings of word use or word choice. Now I am halfway to a hundred and life is full of conflicting choice and meanings. As I was driving -it takes two and half hours to get to Uncle Chip's house btw- I was pondering the purpose of this blog. And how do I post? Who is my audience? I always suggested to my 3rd graders, as well as my 6th grade classes, know who your audience is, so that you may better choose your words for their ears. But you know what? I got stymied. Which is a clever word for stuck, My poor students. I am sure they felt the same way. Am I writing this paragraph for my teacher to grade it? for my classmates to laugh at? for my parents to approve of? or for a contest to win? The stress I caused those kids!! I am sorry. 

When I shared my concerns over blogging to my own son, now grown and perfectly halfway to my fifty, he said simply, "Writing is art Mom. All the best artists create for themselves. They don't care what others may think about their art. And people, whomever they may be, will appreciate it all the more." My son encouraged me, "Just write for yourself, damn all the others. It will be way more interesting to read." 

So as my laptop battery shows a tiny red margin depicting "low & sleep mode imminent" I will gather up my lady-balls and just write whatever shit is in my head. 

Which means... as I was driving up this morning to stay another week with my Uncle Chip, I am not that excited or happy to be doing so. In fact I found myself lingering at the halfway gas station for another fifteen minutes to play Wordle on my phone. Which I got in 3 lines! STARK was the 5 letter word. Shall I search for meaning in that word of the day? Life is STARK at halfway to hundred. Yes it feels so, when I sit here watching an old man sleep in diapers 22 hours a day. I want to run and play and surf and swim and ride and gallop and fly and hike and wonder and wander and BE OUT IN THE WORLD, LIKE A FINALLY FREE, RETIRED FROM WORKING 30 VERY GOOD YEARS IN THE CLASSROOM, PERSON SHOULD BE DOING! But I do love my crazy, clever, witty old uncle nonetheless. And perhaps I would wish for someone to do the same for me when I am old. But do I? REMEMBER! I AM GOING FOR A 100years! And the best advice I have heard so far - just last week, from an old guy sitting next to my Uncle in the waiting room, at the cancer doctor's office- "just keep living, and helping and doing and thinking...look at me! I'm 90 and still got my wits. I don't tell people I'm sick or they will treat me like I'm sick." He was an inspiration and I never even heard his name. Thanks Old Guy!